hatred,poetry,and rants.
contains offense content or may.
why i shouldnt.(rant/poetry 1)
why i shouldnt cut myself. why shouldnt you cut myself..?so many reasons... you may say... there is better ways to cope...you learned better ways to cope in therapy, it isnt cool...and itll leave marks... so many times, you get mad, you scream, you yell, you break my things. well.... i finally have a counter arguement. i should. starting here, you break and throw my things..ever since i was a little baby you have gotten angry,and whether it was my beloved perfumes, my headphones, my phone,my cat even... sometimes even at me. its not just that, both of you think you have the rights to call me obscenties when you discover i cut myself.... its not even just then, when i make a joke, when i get too close to the dog, its very fucking annoying. id cry after dad called you a retard, i said no when you attempted to kick your mentally ill 13 year old daughter out of the house...whatever,im numb to it now,so lIkE whatever. i want to talk about the real problem here the physical things...the abuse.youd hit me, youd strike me, youd throw things at me , you punch me, you left me with a black eye once dad, and mom YOU HIT ME WITH A HAIRBRUSH ON THE HEAD. i remeber when i was in the second grade, i remember it so clearly. you and dad were holding me down to hit me, while holding my clothes off the back of my skin, and dads belt hit my arm.... instead of my back where it "WOuLDNT lEAVE MARKS!!!" but, it did.ms irons asked, cps was called. you yelled at me for telling cps i was hit regularly. those few months were the only TRUE MONTHS OF PIECE I EVER WILL GET LIVING IN THE SAME HOUSE AS YOU AND DAD,that was when i was 8. i remember i was 13 dad hit me with a shoe for doing unsavory tings to cope with my depression, dad would pull my hair...he beat me, hed call me a retard, youd hit me when i get sassy, youd yell al me (mom) for cutting... i remember when youd guys would lock me and my brother in my room all day, i remember when i wasnt let out to even pee so i had to do it in toy buckets... i remember when dad and you would lock us in our rooms when was 11. i remember when dad said hed hope id kill myself. i remember when you both wouldnt give me my meds. it may leave marks...like the marks dads belt left? oh no wait thats diffrent those are temporary... even though techinically so are scars... scars hurt a lot less.a and with scars, unlike belt marks on my arms...they wont let people know my parents are white trash. or abusive. theyll go "ohh shes mentally ill..i feel so sorry for her." with belt marks...id be out of this house...i wouldnt be a columbiner anymore if anyone saw them when i was little and knew what i was going through. id be happy. now after reading all of that, i ask you. why should i NOT cut myself? after everything ive been through, all the neglect and repressed memories of abuse. mom, dad, i think i have every right to cut myself. its not anyworse than the things youve inflicted on me. get mad at me all you want, you made my headspace.
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